Kids Tears

We have found that it helps to let the child know that you are about to ask them some important questions you do not often talk about. Let them know that they are loved and you will believe their answers. It may also help to assure them that they are young and that they should not feel bad about things that older kids or adults may have had them do.

  Many times the abuser will have told the child that they would do harm to them or others if they tell their secrets. Let the child know that they are SAFE!

 

Touching

Begin with touches that would generally be considered a "positive" experience and then follow-up with questions regarding "negative" types of touch.

 

Positive:

1. Sample questions and suggestions for ages 5 and younger

◦"Do you get hugs/kisses/tickles?"

Follow up with.    "Who gives you_ (hugs/kisses/tickles)?"

 "Where on your body does ____ (Carl, Grandpa, Mrs. Reedy) ____ (e.g. hug) you?" and

 "Is that okay with you or not okay with you?"

 

2. Sample questions and suggestions for ages 6 to 9

◦"Do you get touches that you like?"

Follow up with:    "What kinds of touches are those?"

 "Who gives you____ (hugs/kisses/tickles)?"

 "Where on your body does_ (Carl, Grandpa, Mrs. Reedy) _ (e.g. hug) you?" and

 "Is that okay with you or not okay with you?"

 

 

 

 

Negative:

 

Listed below are many options for inquiring about unwanted or potentially abusive touch. We recommend that you start with the type of inquiry most appropriate for the child's development and proceed with alternative questioning as needed. Alternative questioning should also be guided by the child's development, context, and the statements of the child.

 

1.Sample questions and suggestions.

◦"Are there places on your body that no one is supposed to touch?" Follow up with, "Where?" and

 "Has someone touched you in one of those places?" Who? _______________________________

 "Has someone tried to touch you in one of those places?" Who? ___________________________

 

◦"Do you have places on your body you don't want anyone to touch?" Follow up with, "Where?" and

 "Has someone touched you in one of those places?" Who? __________________________________

 "Has someone tried to touch you in one of those places?" Who? _____________________________

 

◦Name (and or point to on body diagram) various body parts and ask the child "Is it OK for someone to touch your (body part)?" Follow up with, "Has someone touched you there?"

 

2. Sample questions and suggestions for alternative questioning:

◦"What would you do/who could you tell if someone touched you in one of those places?"

Follow up with: "Did you ever have to______ (do that/tell______)?"

 

◦"Have you ever gotten a touch that was confusing or that you weren't sure about?"

Follow up with: "Tell me about that."

 

◦"Did you tell your mom/teacher/etc., that something happened to you (something that was not okay)?"

Follow up with: "Who did you tell?" and "What did you tell_?"

 

Pre teen/teen questions

Be sure to let the teen know that you will believe them, not judge them, and protect them.

 

1) Is anyone touching you in a sexual way? Who? ________________ Has anyone in the past? Who? _______________

2) If someone was doing this would you be able to tell me or someone else?

3) Has anyone threatened you?  Who? ____________________________________________

4) Is anyone in our house being abused? Who? ___________________ By who? ______________________

5) Are any of your friends being abused? Who? ___________________ By who? ______________________

6) Has anyone on the internet asked you to do or say things of a sexual nature? Who? ___________________

7) Has anyone ever shown you nude photos or videos? Who? ______________________________________

8)   Has anyone ever taken pictures or videos of your body? Have you sent any in a text, upload or email?

 

Secrets

All ages

Let the child know that you are trying to keep them safe and to do that you need to know if they have secrets with anyone.

 

1) Do you have any secrets? What are they? ____________________________________________

2) Do you and (e.g. Carl, Grandpa, Mrs. Reedy…) have any secrets you are not supposed to tell?

3) What are the secrets? _____________________________________________________

4) Who do you have secrets with? ____________________________________________

5) Has anyone asked you to keep a secret? Who? ________________ What? ________________________________

6) Will you tell me if anyone wants you to keep a secret?

 

 


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